I spent over €20K on self-development. Was it worth it?
Developing ourselves isn't fast, cheap or easy. I investigated how much exactly I've invested in therapy, coaching and yoga. And made an epiphany about where it all has led me.
A few Sundays ago, I found myself lying on the floor of a yurt in the middle of a Portuguese forest. The air was filled with meditation music, palo santo and the subtle voice of a breathwork facilitator. I was guided through a practice of intense conscious breathing (a trending self-help modality that helps us bypass our rational mind and connect with deeper wisdom.)
In the state of this breathwork bliss, I had a comforting epiphany: I’m actually very happy.
It wasn’t a brand new realisation but one that had been whispering in my ear for a while already. But maybe I had been afraid to accept it, afraid that it would vanish if I said it out loud.
But right then and there, the epiphany felt so strong that it was impossible to ignore: At this very moment in my life, I’m doing very well. In fact, better than ever before.
And to be clear, better to me, means the following things:
I feel a sense of peace within.
I feel like I belong.
I feel there’s a purpose to my actions.
I feel at home in the life and environment I’ve chosen.
And those of you who have known me for a long time ago know that these things haven’t come easy.
I’ve struggled with feelings of loneliness, depression, burnout, feeling stuck & lost in my life, career confusion, and not really feeling at home in my home country.
For several years, these inner pains felt like an undercurrent I had to deal with on several occasions. They prompted a great deal of self-exploration through a variety of modalities.
And that exploration came with a price tag.
I wanted to find out what exactly all of this has cost me. So I went through my self-help expenses from the past 8 years. I rounded the decimals up to the nearest euro and estimated some missing bills and the final bill looked something like this:
€7,100 on therapy/counselling (including CBT, psychoanalytic and brief therapy)
€5,100 on coaching (career, wellness and business coaching)
€12,500 on yoga (500 hours of teacher training + retreats + an estimate of 200 yoga classes)
The total sum is €24,700. I would add roughly €2,000 for a range of books, workshops, and treatments, such as Reiki, sound baths, somatic dance, and the somewhat odd massage therapist who tried to heal my thigh injury with chopsticks (a story for another time).
I’ve also had some additional counselling subsidised by my employer and the social security system. My coaching degree was part of my leadership track when I was still employed so my employer paid for it. That, too, could be classified as self-development, so it adds to the bill. All of this is another €10,000. So the total value of services I’ve used would actually be over €30K but here I’ll focus on the money that has come out of my own pocket.
None of us grow in isolation
I’ve been spending money on self-development since 2016. That’s eight years of my life into improving bits and pieces of it. I don’t think this quest is ever really going to end nor does it need to.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without all this work. To me, this continues to be the best money I’ve ever spent.
Personal development is not just personal. A large chunk of my inner work has taken place in group settings. I’ve been held and supported by countless facilitators and peers.
None of us grow in isolation. We need others to help us thrive.
Now, I know one of you might be asking, if one modality of self-development has worked better than another or if there’s a fast track I could recommend.
Unfortunately, I can’t. Whether I’ve been sitting in a therapist’s chair talking about my early life experiences or having an energy healer explain the power of my solar plexus, all of the bits and pieces have played their own unique part in my path.
However, I can tell you that self-development can be roughly divided into two categories: intense love affairs and grounded companions.
Intense love affairs are the ones that make you feel like you’ve done a deep dive or transformed yourself in a short amount of time. Examples of these would be yoga retreats, breathwork sessions, psychedelic trips, energy healing sessions, etc.
Grounded companions don’t reveal their power on the first date but their reward can only be achieved through consistent commitment. Examples of these would be counselling, coaching, meditation, journalling, consistent yoga practices and anything else you commit to as a lifestyle.
I would argue that grounded companions create the basis for our well-being, meaning that they’re necessary to keep growth alive. Intense love affairs on the other hand, can open up new spaces, spur us to another level of development, give us the shake we need at a given moment—and also allow us to have a bit of fun with the work.
How to spend your self-help money wisely?
As an entrepreneurial spirit, I’ve always respected that people get paid for their work. I’ve been happy to support people who help me and others connect with who they really are.
As a coach myself, I’ve also witnessed the commitment that comes from spending money on yourself.
Whenever I offer something for free, I see many people lose motivation midway because they didn’t pay for it. I’ve also given up on many free things myself. Basically, the more I’ve spent on something, the more motivated I’ve become.
However, I’ve also had to budget my spending. This means being careful about who and what I spend my money on and luckily, I’ve always worked with highly responsible people. My self-help has always been paid my money I actually have and never on credit cards. Nor have I spent money on things that sounded unrealistic to begin with (such as “make a million in a month” or “transform your life in 7 days”.)
I’ve also made decisions about what not to spend money on and skipped luxuries and wellbeing experiences such as fine dining, personal trainers, 5-star resorts and lash extensions.
It’s up to each and everyone to decide what’s worth spending their money on.
I firmly believe that where the money goes, energy flows.
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I’ve shared all this with you because I think it’s important to set realistic expectations about what it means to work with your mental health, career development and inner well-being. None of it comes easy and it’s not cheap either.
But I also want to be honest about the fact that these investments have made a huge difference for me. They have helped me evolve and choose environments, career paths and people that amplify my wellbeing and creativity. And because I feel energised by the life I live, I can share my best energy and skills with the world around me.
And that, to me, is invaluable.
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Thank you for your presence and time.
With sincere love and warmth,
Aurora