Why I don’t tell my clients to find one true calling – and what to do instead
It’s okay to be forever polyamorous when it comes to your career.
Are you still searching for your calling?
And, is the lack of a calling keeping you stuck from taking the next important step in your life and career?
The internet has fooled us into thinking that we should all find our calling AND make a living doing it.
We romanticise our careers in the same way we romanticise our love lives.
I think finding a single calling that also works as a job is a lot to ask. And, focusing too much on finding a calling can slow us down by giving us reasons to procrastinate on the actions that actually matter.
What if we feel called to do multiple things? Or what if our calling finds us very late in life – what are we supposed to do until we’re 60? What if we become bored of something that used to be our calling? Or, what if our calling is to meditate round the clock – but that doesn’t exactly pay the bills.
Reality is often more complex than the narratives we share and read on social media.
As a coach, I help my multipassionate, multitalented people build careers and businesses where they can find inner and external alignment.
But I do my best to emphasise that what we’re looking for is, in fact, alignment in this moment of life, rather than a calling for life.
I see alignment like a yoga pose: you place things in an intentional way to find the perfect balance of internal and external challenge and ease. In yoga, you may stay in the pose for one breath, three or five breaths.
But then, you move on.
Similarly, your career alignment may also evolve and change.
For example, right now, you might be in a situation where you’ve just broken up with someone, have no kids and have become a bit bored with your current job. Your calling – in this moment – might be to become a digital nomad, doing consulting gigs to pay the bills, and do a bit of soul-searching on the side.
Once you’ve done this for two years, you might get tired of the constant moving around and look for more stability. You might have become a bit lonely and overwhelmed and now you’re looking for a permanent position, a team to work with and a company whose mission speaks to you.
Change is okay.
That doesn’t mean that the two years you spent as a consultant were meaningless or that you somehow failed.
Your new job doesn’t have to be your calling either.
Both choices are eras in a life too short to be wasted looking for one thing.
So, if you feel lost about your calling, here are a few tools that may help you navigate the situations I presented above:
I feel called to do multiple things – which one should I choose?
This one is for all of us who have a completely random list of passion projects that seemingly have very little to do with one another.
List the things that you feel called to do right now and rank them using two criteria: 1) internal pull = how passionate do you feel about this thing right now, a.k.a is this something you think about, talk about, have an ongoing ChatGPT thread about and dream about, and 2) external viability = how viable is this thing right now, meaning, does it require huge shifts or savings to become a reality?
Use a scale of 1–5 to give points to each calling. Feel free to turn this into an Excel sheet or whatever system that tickles your fancy.
Finally, once you have all your things listed next to one another, ask, if some of them could be pursued simultaneously without sacrificing one another. Is one of them less demanding than the other? Do the different pursuits require different types of engagement, say, working on your laptop vs. digging soil? Does one bring in more money than the other? When pursuing multiple projects, try to find ones that offer a nice balance and don’t force you to sacrifice your well-being.
I still haven’t found anything I could call “a calling”
Sometimes life keeps us waiting. We might have to complete some steps or overcome certain obstacles before we encounter the real gems of our lives. So, instead of fretting about “being in the wrong place” or “failing in life”, it’s better to focus on sharpening our intuition, looking for signs that point us in the right direction and doing what feels right in this moment.
To sharpen your intuition: Try spending more time alone, look for silence, and turn off distractions. Start journalling every day to reconnect with how you feel about things in your life.
To look for signs: Practice presence. Take notice of the people you meet, the conversations you have and whatever random things might repeatedly cross your horizon. You may also ask for signs – however, remember to be very clear about how the answers should come to you. For example, if you’re asking whether you should go on a specific retreat, ask for confirmation in a certain way, like hearing a particular song or seeing a specific type of plant. If you want to learn more about the art of asking the universe for answers, I highly recommend this book by Laura Lynne Jackson.
Follow your intuition and the signs you get, even if they don’t make sense right now. The things that are a bit off your regular radar might bring you somewhere exciting or introduce you to someone who will open your eyes to new knowledge. It will all make sense eventually.
I think I found my calling but now I’m bored of it
We’re rarely fully satisfied for very long. Even when we’re doing things we love and care about, we might still get bored or lose interest in them. And that’s okay. Now, you might be wondering whether you should keep going or give up if something doesn’t light you up anymore. Here are some questions to help you decide:
Are you bored or burnt out? Sometimes we want to give up because we’re exhausted and can no longer find joy in things we once loved. Spend some time and money on self-care before you resign from something you’ve put a lot of effort into.
How long have you felt this way? All good things in life come with highs and lows, and sometimes we just need to ride out the lows. It’s good to evaluate your feelings for at least some months to a year before making any dramatic decisions. Be especially patient if you’re someone with strong emotions. The emotions might be sending you an important message but make sure you have enough clarity before jumping into action.
Look into the past for guidance. What made you follow this calling in the first place? Was it purely your own decision or were you influenced by someone else? Were you intuitively aligned with the decision then? What made you love it when you started?
My calling doesn’t qualify as a job – I can’t make any money doing it
Haven’t we all dreamt of a life where we could sit by a lake and paint all day or live in a retreat centre and ‘ommm’ from dusk ‘til dawn without worrying about our account balance? I know I have. So, what does one do when they have a strong intuition to follow a calling that is hard or impossible to turn into a job? Here are two simple, yet significant life choices to reflect upon:
Can it just be a hobby? Not everything has to make money or be a career. Some passions are best left unmonetised. So, instead of trying to turn your calling into a job, could you have a job that pays for your calling? Could that make for an enjoyable life?
Could you simplify your lifestyle? If you want to maximise the hours you spend doing the thing you love, could you cut down the costs and work less? Living a frugal life can be very satisfying, especially if it aligns with your broader life vision. So whip out your calculator and an Excel sheet and start budgeting. Get creative about which skills you could learn to save money or make money. Maybe you could move to a cheaper area or rent out the extra room in your apartment? Perhaps you could grow your own vegetables and replace your car with an electric bicycle?
For more on this, check out my earlier post To quit or keep going.
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Hope these questions and tools are helpful to you.
And remember, your professional calling is only one part of who you are.
In the end, an enjoyable life is what really matters.
Keep using your creativity to uncover the life that builds hope for you and those around you.
With kindness,
Aurora